‘‘FINALLY! An Oscars the guys can enjoy!’’ was the way the event was promoted in America. I can only assume then that guys enjoy awkward, unfunny jokes embarrassingly delivered over a mind-numbing 31⁄2 hours.

Some have labelled the night ‘‘hostile’’, ‘‘ugly’’ and ‘‘misogynist’’. I think that’s over-egging the pudding a bit for what basically felt like an end-of-footy-season lads’ knees-up with better outfits.
-oOo-


EVERY now and again I am struck with a brilliant idea about how to fix all the world’s problems.

Once it happened on Hindley St, when I came up with the concept of the ‘‘drinking licence’’ – an alcohol permit you can only get after an exam proving you’re not a violent, aggressive twit. As part of the test you’d be given a choice of drinks and anyone reaching for the ‘‘Jager bomb’’ would receive an automatic fail.

Another time I was struck in the supermarket when I realised if everyone stopped buying inferior imported
produce just because it was cheap we might have a shot at rescuing Aussie farmers.

And it happened again this week when it occurred to me that if everyone were able to spend a certain
amount of time living as the opposite gender, we’d all have a much better perspective on things.

If only science could come up with some sort of machine that could magically transform men into women and vice-versa for the day or a week, I’m fairly positive we’d all come out of it with more compassion and understanding for each other.

Imagine how much more enlightened men would be if they could spend a week suffering period cramps, pap
smears, bra itch and being leered at by pervy types on the bus?

Or how much more accepting women would be if they ... no, actually, I can’t think of anything. I’m sure
there’s something though.

Anyway, if I’d had one of those machines on Monday I would have used it to convert myself into bloke form just to see if Oscar host Seth MacFarlane was actually funny and not the sexist, boring oaf my regular female brain found him to be.

‘‘Finally! An Oscars the guys can enjoy!’’ was the way the event was promoted in America. I can only assume then that guys enjoy awkward, unfunny jokes embarrassingly delivered over a mind-numbing 31⁄2 hours.

While it’s true that Oscars hosts are subjected to an unnatural level of criticism, and it seems virtually impossible to do the job without causing some sort of scandal, MacFarlane’s effort has generated a huge
backlash, mostly on the grounds that his jokes were sexist.

Some have labelled the night ‘‘hostile’’, ‘‘ugly’’ and ‘‘misogynist’’. I think that’s over-egging the pudding a bit for what basically felt like an end-of-footy-season lads’ knees-up with better outfits.

In his opening monologue MacFarlane sang a juvenile song in which he leered over actresses’ boobs and
delivered an unfunny gag about Chris Brown beating up Rihanna. Hilarious!

Later he joked about George Clooney preying on nine-year-old Beasts of the Southern Wild actress Quvenzhane´ Wallis and implied Jennifer Aniston was a stripper. What a laugh!

He made fun of women losing weight to fit in their Oscar dresses and laughed that no one cared what Salma
Hayek had to say because all they want to do is look at her. Stitch my sides up!

Perhaps it’s unfair to criticise MacFarlane for making sexist jokes when, going by the promotional line, it seems that’s exactly what organisers wanted him to do. God knows why.

Was it supposed to be some sort of ‘‘retaliation’’ for the fact that two female comedians – Tina Fey and
Amy Poehler – hosted the Golden Globes last month? To rapturous applause and critical acclaim, I might add.

Is this really how men see things – two women host an awards night, so now we need to make jokes about
boobs and fat chicks so blokes don’t feel left out?

Did they somehow feel disempowered by Fey and Poehler’s existence at the podium?

It’s perhaps fortunate for men that women are used to seeing the world from this sort of marginalised perspective.

Until that machine gets built, of course.

First published in The Advertiser, February 28, 2013.